Keeping the promise
by Maryland Rose
Summary: Julian made a promise to Frank years ago. Now he has to carry it out, though it means another loss for him.
Keeping the Promise

The hospital had changed so little since the last time he had been here. Yes, the wards had been repainted, new equipment brought in, technological advances had been made. But the basics were still the same: people suffered and died there. Medical science could only do so much.

And the law dealing with the dying had not changed in the past fifty years.

That was why Julian was here. He had promised Frank Kohanek long ago that when the time came, he would not let him linger in pain. Now he was ready to do his old friend this last service.

Julian studied his reflection in a glass pane. He checked his make-up and whitened hair. He had come as the rarely seen patriarch of the Luna family, Frank's old friend, instead of the brash nephew of the same name that darted in and out of San Francisco, carrying on the family business.

The passage of time made multiple identities and disguises necessary. He should leave San Francisco soon and start a new life somewhere else, perhaps in Europe or South America. It was time for the Julian Luna that Frank had known to die officially.

But not before he had said goodbye to Frank.

Frank was breathing with difficulty when he came in. His eyes were closed as Julian sat next to him. Frank was thin, almost skeletal. The disease that was claiming him was eating him up bit by bit. He put his hand on Frank's and squeezed it gently. So much they had gone through together. It seemed impossible that there was a time when Frank had hated him. Yet he had, and he had hated Frank too. But the memory of Alexandra was one of love, and they had given in to it.

So many memories they had together. So much they had gone through. Now it was coming to an end.

Frank opened his eyes. He focused on the man sitting next to his bed. "Julian." He said. "Why the old man get-up?"

"Young Julian is still in Paris, officially. So I came as your old friend, the family patriarch."

"When did you come back?"

"Last night. I came as fast as I could when I got the message."

Frank nodded. "How was your time in Paris?"

"It was good."

"Did you stay at Duncan's barge?"

"Two nights only. They I moved out to an hotel. I had to. It was getting difficult for Duncan and me."

"Trouble between you two? I can't believe it. You are Duncan are inseparable. I never seen two people who blended so well."

"It had to do with Martha. The woman that Duncan is involved with. It is serious. He is getting attached to her, more attached than to anyone he's met since I have known him. He is truly in love with her."

"Has he told her what he is?"

"He is afraid to. Not everyone is willing to live with what Duncan is. Duncan realizes how special Tessa Noel was."

"Tessa was killed, wasn't she?"

"Yes. He is thinking about that. And that is where the problem with me comes in."

Frank thought about it.

"Did he ask you to embrace Martha?"

"Not directly, not yet. But he was leading up to it."

"And you did not want to do it?"

"He has not even told Martha about himself. What am I supposed to do? Barge in, embrace her before she knows what is happening, and then leave the two of them to sort it out? Let's forget for one moment that it is against out Law. There is a good chance that she would not forgive him for that. She would not like me much, either. And if she and Duncan ever made up, I would be the scapegoat. First he should tell him about himself, and see if she can accept it, and handle all the aspects of it. Later, he can tell her about me, and what I can do. Then I would talk to her as to what to expect. And only then I would embrace her." -

Julian was silent about his one worry. Duncan had been challenged too many times lately. And Julian knew that Ritchie was now a better swordsman than Duncan. And Ritchie was far from being the best swordsman of them all. He did not want to think about it, but taking heads was what Immortals did. Much as he wanted to put it out of his mind, he kept thinking of his embracing Martha so that she could be together with Duncan, only to find his headless body the next day.

"If you are that picky, I wonder how you ever get to embrace anyone. Remember Methos advice."

"I remember. But this involves Duncan's love life and our friendship. I do not want to jeopardize either."

"No, you would not." Frank sighed "Well, you and Duncan will clear this up. You cannot stay mad at each other long. Your friendship with Duncan...well, I don't think that anyone has been as close to you as Duncan is."

"You may be right."

"I am right. Duncan can make you laugh, and that is not always easy. Do you know what an obnoxious jerk you were when I first knew you? Of course, at that time I was struggling with your being Kindred, so it took me a while to figure out what I really objected to were the same things that drove other Kindred up the wall. Sometimes I swear that when Archon embraced you he must have shoved a rod through you so you could not bend. Duncan turned you into a passable human being...all right Kindred, but you know what I mean." he laughed "Do you know the one and only time that your name appears in a police report is when the MacLeod boys came visiting and ended up mooning the Mayor? I could not believe when I saw it. Duncan MacLeod and Connor MacLeod charged with being drunk and disorderly, lewd exposure, breach of the peace, and other such charges. And Julian Luna, aiding and abetting. It was you who drove them to the scene of the crime."

"They were too drunk to drive. They were wearing kilts. They recognized the Mayor's car and they stuck their... rear ends out of the window." He remembered the argument that led to his taking the car keys. Duncan and Connor argued which one of them was soberer than the other, and thus could be trusted with the car. Julian had mediated it. He had opened Duncan's vein and tasted the blood. He had pronounced it to be 95 proof Bourbon with traces of blood, while Connor's turned out to be a fine single malt Scotch whiskey, with even less blood present. So, of course, it was Julian who had to drive, with the results that made Frank laugh so.

"I tell you, what Duncan has done for you, no one else could. You have many friends, people who love you, but Duncan is the only one that you shared yourself with. You are a very private man and you allow no one access to your inner self. Only Duncan."

"And that was why Caitlin could not stay with me. And she was jealous of Duncan. No, not sexually. It was that I told Duncan things that I did not tell her. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I am not made for intimacy. I love Caitlin, very much, but not the way she wants me to love her, not the way she deserves. So I end up hurting her, and she ended up leaving me. Lillie stayed with me for so long because she pretended that she did not care for me as much as she did. Eventually it got too much for her."

"Well, Julian join the club. I am lousy at relationships too. Three divorces, and all for the same reason. I was never there for my wives when they needed me. Some people should never marry, and I am one of those. As you are."

"That is true."

"At least, when you screw up your relationships, there are only two people involved. I had a daughter who grew up without a father, and who has not forgiven me for that. You and I can discuss the fact that we cannot stay with a woman for long, and accept it. But Ellen was abandoned by her daddy when she needed him, and she wants him back."

"And that is why she does not want to let you go."

"She insists that we need more time. That we have to talk things through. That we have to resolve the hurts of the past...She wants to change the past, and that I cannot do. And in the meantime, she is keeping me alive."

"But don't your wishes count?"

"Yes...but you see, I feel so guilty when she comes that I cannot just tell the doctor to let me go. Or even beg her to make a mistake with the painkillers. Somehow I think that if I talk with Ellen one more time I can make thing right for her.

"Frank, you remember I made you a promise, many years ago."

"Yes."

"I will be here with you until the end. I can embrace you and give you enough years to patch up your relationship with your daughter. I can release you from pain today. Or I can keep coming day after day, and just hold your hand until the end comes naturally. Whatever you ask of me, I will do."

"Can you do that?"

"Yes. I can."

"I thought about being embraced...But I am old, and tired. Those your embrace want to live, desperately, and you give them a chance to do so. I do not feel that way. As for Ellen, no matter how many years we may have, she will still have grown up abandoned by her father. She cannot change that, and neither can I. Perhaps when I am gone she will stop beating her head on a wall and will try to be happy with what she has." he sighed "Julian, do you believe in Heaven?"

"I do."

"Do you think that I might make it, with all my sins?"

"I think you will."

"When Ellen comes, with hurt in her eyes, asking me to making things right again for her, I am not so sure." "Frank, my friend, there are thing that we can do nothing about, no matter how much we wish. I mean..." He was distracted by the sounds of steps coming down the corridor. "I think that Ellen is coming. It might be better if you left and came back. She has a grudge against you, I am not sure why, and she could make a scene."

Julian nodded and left, turning the corner just fast enough to see so that Frank's daughter missed seeing him.

When you live long enough, you accumulate too many goodbyes. Archon had told him. He had not understood it then, but he did now. He now had to say goodbye to Frank, as he had said already goodbye to Archon, to Daedalus, to Cash, and to so many others... Too many goodbyes in his life.

Julian moved slowly down the corridor, remembering to walk like the old man he was supposed to be. There were not many people and he did not pay attention to them. He could embrace Frank and keep him. After all, that was what Frank's daughter wanted. She and Frank would have enough time to set things right.

He knew better, he chided himself.

What Frank's daughter wanted was impossible. She could spend years trying to get her shattered childhood back together, and fail. Some relationships could not be patched, all that could be done with them was sever them and set those involved free. Frank's daughter had to learn that she could not get what she wanted, and get on with her life. And Frank had to let go of what he could not fix.

And he had to let go of Frank, of all they had shared through the years. He had to be willing to bury yet another friend. He could do nothing to save Archon. He could not save Cash from the motorcycle accident that took his life (his so-called accident, he reminded himself. May Cash forgive him for the way he had covered it up). He could not save Daedalus. But he could save Frank.

He reached the elevator area and stood there, staring at nothing. He needed to be more aggresive in embracing.

That had been Methos advice when they had met. Methos had been full of stories of Kindred of old, specially the ones whose heads he had taken.

"Mind you, only those who deserved it. and there were too many in those days. There were others who were my friends. You know how it is with Immortals. You get decent ones like me, or the MacLeods, or Grace, or Darius, or Amanda. And then you get the Kalases, the Thorneses, the Xavier StClouds, the Felicia Martenses. There are those who respect human life (and Kindred life, too). And there are others for whom humans were less than insects, to be squashed as pleasure. It was the same with the Kindred I met in those days. Of course, the need to take blood provided a ready- made excuse for the killers, but killers never lack for excuses."

But there was one big difference between Kindred and Immortals, Methos added. The proportion of evil Immortals never truly changed. Kindred could change their numbers through embracing. The killers sought like-minded people to embrace, or naive, trusting ones to corrupt. Or simply abandoned them after embracing them, so that they became killers through ignorance. The honorable ones were reluctant to embrace, out of scruples, with the result that the numbers got skewed in the killers' favor.

"It was not until the persecutions, and the Masquerade that the situation tilted in your favor. The nastier ones could be taken out for breaking secrecy. And the others could be re-educated into channeling their dark impulses into more acceptable ways. Your kind hold the upper hand now. But you cannot trust the Masquerade to do it all. At some time people will learn again that the Kindred are in their midsts. Some are doing it already, and they better be able to trust the Kindred they meet. So you have to start recruiting people of high moral character into your numbers. You cannot eradicate your Kalases, your Thornes, your Martenses, anymore than we can, but you can keep them in the minority. Believe me, enforcing the Law is much easier when the numbers are on your side."

Julian had taken the advice to heart, and had implemented it. He had embraced several promising young men and women, and oversaw their training. All the other clans followed suit. He knew that too many embraced into the Brujah were meant as willing toadies for Cameron, but that was not the same as being remorseless killers.

And the irony of the embraces forced on unwilling victims was that they did not share the warped values of their sire or maker, and were willing to follow the teachings of those Kindred willing to befriend and guide them. Sasha's embrace, painful as it had been at the time meant that there was at least one Brujah for whose character he could vouch.

But was he doing enough? Shouldn't he recruit Frank among their number. He had proven to be of sterling character, and a good friend. He was what they all needed.

Sure, Frank felt tired, but the way his body ached, he certainly must. after the change, when he recovered his strength, he would feel different, he was certain of it.

The elevator opened up, and two people came out. He barely glanced at them. They passed him, then the elevator door closed again.

He did not want to lose Frank. It was just that. He could not take the pain of another loss, not so soon after losing both Cash and Daedalus. He remembered his pain when they had told him about Cash. And the white-hot rage that seized him when they told him about the gang of juveniles that had set fire to Daedalus, for no reason at all, except that they had found him easy prey (Daedalus had been surprised by the coming of the dawn and had been huddling under some bushes. He had pretended to be a wino as he always did when in danger of discovery by humans. But those human predators thought that setting derelicts on fire was great fun).

He had not waited for human justice to deal with them (Frank had already told him how inadequate human justice was in those cases). He had turned the Gangrels loose on them and all other such gangs. They were to be beaten up and bled. None of them died, but they all spent a long time in the hospital with jaws wired and in traction. Eventually gangs of juveniles learned to avoid the park.

"Only you can take a such brutal revenge and turn it into something good." Frank had commented. "Everyone is better off for it. The peaceful citizens got their park back. Parents of delinquent children learned not to let them roam unless they had mastered the basics of civilized behavior. No nonsense about boys being boys. And those kids came out of the hospital with a greater appreciation of the constraints of civilized society, which did them a lot of good in the end. I should complain about your taking the law into your own hands, but I know better than that."

"It brought a lot of good to the Kindred too." he had told Frank bleakly "This convinced a lot of Kindred that we have to be more involved with human activity. With regard to human history, mostly we endure it, and keep out of its way. It is supposed to be safer that way. One would imagine that after two World Wars, with aerial bombings, and with Nazis and Communists dragging everyone they felt like into concentration camps, they should have realized that there is no safety in just trying not to be seen. One thing that Kindred have learned is how to be refugees. But they still cling to the idea that we cannot get involved in human affairs, even when human affairs include dropping ICBMs right over our heads. Daedalus' death is changing that. Maybe it is a tribute to how much he was loved that his death did what World War II could not do. But it might just be that San Francisco looks such a peaceful civilized city that they did not expect such unprovoked brutality. Yes, something good came out of it. And I would give all of it back to have him with me now. He was a gentle soul, Frank."

He could not have Daedalus back. But he could have Frank back. Why not go and embrace him? It was all for the best.

Frank did not want it, but he could convince Frank if he talked to him long enough. He could be very persuasive. He could influence Frank's choice and let him think it was his own idea. He would be doing if for Frank's own good, he told himself. For his daughter's sake too. For the sake of the Kindred. It could not be wrong.

The door of the elevator opened again and a woman came out.

"Monica!' he said with surprise. "Are you here for me again?"

Monica stared at him. She recognized him. "You are Julian Luna. You were my assignment fifty years ago."

"Monica" he remembered the angel who had come to him in his darkest hour and reassured him of the love surrounding him.

"You are on another assignment."

"Yes."

"Would you have any time for me now? There is something that I need to talk about."

Monica looked towards Frank Kohanek's room and the woman who was her current assignment. She was busy with her father now. Monica could take Julian and take him into a pocket of time so that she would be done with him by the time Ellen Kohanek left her father's room. "Yes, let's go to the cafeteria."

He followed her into the booth and ordered coffee for both of them.

"Do angels drink coffee?" he asked

. "We do, we have to blend in with our clients. What is troubling you, Julian?"

"I am losing an old friend, and I do not want to lose him. I can keep him with me, but I am afraid it is selfish of me to want to do it. Still, it would be for the best if I did it."

Monica nodded, encouraging him to speak. "I promised a long time ago that I would help him die, if the law did not allow him release from his pain. I can do it, I have done it before. But I would never see him again."

"Why do you believe that you will not see him again? You don't think that you would be together at the end?"

"It would be for a long time, then. We have very long lives, the Kindred."

"You said that you helped others die? How do you do it? Do you take their blood until they die of it?"

Julian nodded. "It was something that Archon taught me to do. Not for the blood itself. He said that there were easier ways of getting it. It was a service. I had to do it for their sake, not mine."

...

"Look at her, Julian." Archon indicated the old woman lying on her bed, staring at the celing. "She is all alone. The attendants barely notice her because she is so little trouble, and they are overworked. She has pain, but worse, she is ready to go, but her body insists on living. All she has is memories and the hope that the Angel of Death will come to take her home soon."

"And you will be the Angel of Death."

"No, I will make it easier for her to meet him. Watch me, for you will be doing this too."

Archon sat at her bedside and took her hand,

"Emily" he said softly "Emily, tell me about yourself."

The woman opened her eyes, but did not show surprise at Archon's presence. She began a story about her family, her children growing up, now gone away, she talked of sunlit rooms and playing children. She talked of laughter, and flowers. Archon cut the vein in her arm and motioned for Julian to put his lips to it. Julian obeyed and Archon spoke to him softly.

"You must project calm and joy. Even if you do not feel it, you must project it, for her sake. She depends on you to get to the other shore. You must make it beautiful for her, and you cannot if you are filled with worries. Let your worries go, Julian. Think only of beautiful sunlit rooms, think of the light playing on the water, think of the shore on the other side."

Julian made himself feel the peace that Archon invoked. Archon kept his fingers on Emily's pulse, until he knew that her weakened body could not handle the blood it had lost.

"That is enough, Julian."

Julian lifted his head. "But it is not that much."

"If she were healthy she would not miss it. But she is frail. It is enough to take her across."

He now spoke to Emily. He made her see the laughing children come to greet her. He talked of her parents and those she had known when she was a child. He reminded her of her childhood home, and spoke of the light that enveloped it. He spoke of a river that she had to cross, a boat with a white sail waiting for her. He made her see the boat.

"I see him." Emily whispered.

Archon nodded. "Go with him, Emily."

Emily was silent. She was sinking into uncounsciosnes. Archon held her hand, keeping track of her slowing pulse. Then he felt how it stopped. He rose and kissed Emily on the forehead. He looked expectantly at the foot of the bed. Julian watched Archon's puzzled expression, as if Archon was trying to find something, and not sure he saw it.

"I leave you in good hands, Emily." he finally said.

...

"Archon told me later that if I were truly selfless when I did this I would see the Angel of Death taking that person home, and that it was a beautiful thing to see."

"Did you ever see them?"

"No, I guess I was never that selfless. I know that I made it good for them, but I did it for me. No, not for the blood. I open the vein, because that is how Archon taught me to take them across, and I swallow the blood because it is the only way not to leave stains. But that is not why I do it. I do it for the peace. Archon said that I cannot do it right unless I can feel peace within myself. I can do it, but it has to be for someone else's sake. I cannot feel peace for my own sake. So I have to find somebody who allows me to...to bring it forward. And I need that peace."

Monica nodded. Harry had told her of the assistance that vampires sometimes gave his clients, and he had told her that it was a beautiful thing. "They find the ones ready to go and release them into my care. They put much of themselves in it, I can feel how much love they pour into these strangers whom they help, not knowing how it turns out."

"I know of it, Julian."

"It is not wrong, is it?"

"Love is never wrong, and you do it out of love."

"I do it to make myself feel better."

"Which is why so many people help strangers, and give to charity and go out of their way to be helpful to their neighbors. Should people make themselves feel better when they hurt someone?"

"No" Julian acknowledged.

"You are still struggling with guilt, aren't you?"

"It has never left me. I keep it under control, but it has not disappeared. Every now and then I am afraid of look at blood. You remember the trouble I had. The sight of blood, any blood, would trigger flashbacks from my enforcer past. I still fear to get them. Usually when I hear people praise me, and thank me for all I have done for our people. Some think that I am this pure hearted hero, and they do not know what I am truly capable of. When I hear their praises I am afraid that I am due for another flashback the next time I feed. I suspect that this is God's way of teaching me humility."

"God loves you, Julian. He does not wish to hurt you."

Julian nodded. "About Frank, is it wrong of me to want to embrace him?"

"Did Archon ever consider embracing those people he taught you to take across?"

"No. When I asked him about it, he said that these people were done with life, that they had to go on to the next stage, and that it was wrong to hold them with us when they were ready to go."

"All must meet the Angel of Death, Julian, even Kindred."

"I know."

"I know that you will do what is best for Frank."

Julian felt tears come into his eyes. Yes, as he knew he would. He had to think about Frank, not himself. A sleepy man needs to rest, and a dying man needs to die. Frank needed to die. He whispered a question.

"I am sorry?" Monica asked.

"I wondered if Frank has anything to fear if...if I release him now. Has he anyting to fear from you?"

"No, Julian, he has not." He sighed.

"Then the decision is made." he rose from the table. "I am going to miss him very much."

"Julian" Monica put her hand on his wrist. "You have nothing to fear, either."

And he would see Frank again sooner than he expected, but she did not tell him that.

...

Frank's daughter was gone, and Frank breathed with difficulty.

"Was it hard?" he asked as he sat down next to his old friend.

"She makes it hard. She keeps asking me for what I cannot give."

"When did she say she would be back?"

"Tomorrow."

Julian took Frank's hand. "I can do it now. Then when she comes back you will be gone. Do not be afraid. You have nothing to fear."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Then do it."

Frank closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Julian laughed. "It is not like that. Open your eyes, relax, and tell me about yourself. Things that you were afraid to tell anyone else."

He stroked Frank's arm. "There is no pain in it. But you must talk to me while I do it."

The cut was painless, and Frank saw his friend's mouth on the wound, as he had seen it so many times. He began to talk, about himself, about his life, his regrets, and what he was proud of. He talked about his career, and how it had damaged his marriages. He talked of his pride of a job well done. He talked of those strangers that he had helped in his job. He talked about Alexandra, and about Julian. He talked about Ellen.

Julian knew when he had gone past the point of no return. He licked the wound to help it close, and turned his attention to Frank, holding his hand in his.

"Frank, think about this gathering. They are handling medals for performance above and beyond the call of duty. They are by the seashore, and the sun is filling the sky. They know what a good officer you were, and what you sacrificed for it."

Frank tried to speak but Julian silenced with a shake of his head. "No, Frank, think of it, it will help you get across. They know your deeds in the Force, and how you lived for it. There is a soft breeze that blows through the tall grass. The crickets chirp, and butterflies are in the air. There is a scent of roses. Your daughter is among the spectators and she smiles. She understands at last why you could not be with her as she grew up. She loves you. She forgives you. She wishes you a good voyage to where you are going. And in the other shore you can see Alexandra, lifting her arms to you."

Frank began to nod. His pulse was getting thready and his breathing even more labored. It would not be long now.

"There is a boat with a white sail coming towards shore. It moves slowly, gracefully, following the wind. It is coming for you, Frank. You have a ticket in your pocket that allows you to sail it. The captain waves to you, to get your attention."

Frank's eyes were closed, but he still nodded. He could hardly keep awake. Julian went on speaking, counting the heartbeats, wating for that moment where they would stop. And he talked of the white sailboat, and its cheerful captain, of the gently lapping waves, of the rose-scented air. He could almost see the scene himself. And for a moment he knew envy because the boat would not come for him.

There were no more heartbeats. Julian rose slowly, and crossed Frank's hands on his chest. He bent over and kissed his forehead.

"Goodbye, old friend." he said.

He rose and looked at the foot of the bed, as Archon had done so long ago.

And there he saw Frank standing, with a young man next to him. And the young man's arm was wrapped protectively around Frank's shoulders.

"I leave you in good hands, old friend." Julian said. "Go with God."


End file.
